


Deployed

by radicallyred



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Army AU, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, If You Squint - Freeform, M/M, Superfamily (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:49:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23992576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radicallyred/pseuds/radicallyred
Summary: “How could anyone join the Army?” Tony wonders aloud.“Hey, I wouldn’t be the person I am if I didn’t. You know that.”“Stop!” Tony yells finally. “I hate you.” He whispers, tears finally falling.“I know.” Steve moves to hold him in his arms, rubbing his back.“I love you,” Tony sobs.“I know,” Steve whispers.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 13
Kudos: 174





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Heavily inspired by the musical If/Then. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I know very little of the deployment process, more so the Marines than the Army, so my apologies if this isn’t entirely accurate.

“Who thought something so cute could be so cranky?” Tony wonders as he bounces baby Morgan in his arms. “C’mon, Morgan. I know, I miss Papa, too. He’ll be home soon.” She settles a bit once he really starts to bounce her and he sighs in relief once her big brown eyes close. He’s just returning from putting her to bed when Steve walks in, brows furrowed talking on the phone.

“That’s right, Steven. Captain, half my seal has been deployed, is that a different process? Oh, I see yes, thank you. No, listen, you’ve been very helpful, I appreciate everything you’ve done. Yes. Thanks.” He hangs up the phone and looks up to Tony expectantly. 

“Just got Morgan to stop crying, Peter hasn’t started yet. Let’s have wine while we can.” He suggests walking over to press a kiss to his husband’s lips. 

“That sounds great.” Steve says holding Tony a little tighter than usual. 

“Are you okay?” Tony asks, but something tells him he really doesn’t want to know. Steve takes a shuddering breath and shakes his head. 

“I have to ship out.” He whispers. Tony nearly misses it, but he knows it’s what he said by the way his heart leaps into his throat. 

“Ship out? Steve,” Steve rests his forehead against Tony’s.

“I know. They—I need to go because I didn’t go last time.” Tony pulls away and moves across the room.

“Tell them no.” Steve wants to laugh, but knows it isn’t the time.

“I can’t tell them no.” He says calmly. 

“Yes you can! Write them an email. _To whom it may concern, fuck no_.” Tony is trying not to yell. 

“I used up my last apparel when we had Peter.” Tony wants to cry. He wants to fall to his knees, hug Steve’s legs and just cry.

“Then just quit!” Steve is at a loss for words. Tony is, too. They stare at each other for a very long time, neither man saying anything. Tony breaks the silence. 

“When?” 

“I report in two weeks.” Tony chokes. 

“How could anyone join the Army?” He wonders aloud. 

“Hey, I wouldn’t be the person I am if I didn’t. You know that.” 

“Stop!” Tony yells finally. “I hate you.” He whispers, tears finally falling. 

“I know.” Steve moves to hold him in his arms, rubbing his back.

“I love you,” Tony sobs.

“I know,” Steve whispers.

“Don’t go,” He begs. 

“Tony,” Steve sighs. 

“I know.” He says, tucking his face into Steve’s neck. 

“I called my mom about coming to stay for a while.” Steve says pulling away, holding Tony’s face in his hands. Tony groans, pushing away.

“Don’t.” Steve exhales through his nose and clenches his jaw. “You know I’m not selfish, but what about me? Huh? Let’s make something about me for once. I, I… need you to stay, okay?” Tony is sobbing, hands clutching at any part of Steve he can reach. Steve collides into him, wrapping him up and holding tight. 

“I won’t be anywhere near the action. I’ll be miles away, in an air conditioned tent.” Steve whispers, hands rubbing Tony’s back. “We’ll talk, everyday. God, Tony. I’m never leaving you. How could I?” 

“You’re clearly about to—don’t touch me!” He yells, ripping his arm away from Steve’s grip, wincing at the tone of his voice. “Just leave. Leave us, whatever. We’ll get on without you. I’m tough, resourceful and… fuck. I am freaking the fuck out. So fuck you, you’re making me crazy.” Tony spits, turning on his heel and stalking to their room. He cries on the bed for a while until Steve comes in, spoons right up behind him and just holds him. 

“I love you so much.” Steve whispers against his neck. “This is killing me, Tones.”

“You obviously have to go,” Tony sighs, turning to face his husband. “It’s, what, a year?” 

“Six months,” Steve says. “Just six months.”

“That’s nothing,” Tony agrees. “I swear to god if you die, I’ll revive you just to kill you.” Steve snorts and leans forward to kiss him.

The next two weeks pass by in a blur. Sarah comes to help out, setting up semi-permanent residence in their spare bedroom, gushing over her grandchildren and graciously giving Steve and Tony the time they need to say goodbye. 

It’s the last Saturday before Steve is set to leave and Tony is awake at an ugly hour of the morning. They’re still naked from their night together, watching Steve as he sleeps deeply, eyes trailing along his form. It’s weird, he thinks, how he could feel like he hasn’t looked at him enough, despite the fact they’ve lived together for over a decade, known each other for much longer. Tony reaches out to touch, soft and gentle, and settles with his left hand resting on the curve of Steve’s cheek. 

“I hate you. I _hate_ you. I love you. I need you.” He whispers. “Don’t do it, don’t leave me, I need you.” He cries himself to sleep, wrapped around Steve’s naked body like his life depends on it. 

Steve plays with the kids all day, taking them to the park, for lunch, to get ice cream, to the toy store. He explains to Peter where he’s going, and why he needs to. Peter tearfully agrees to look after his sister and his dad, promising to be brave. Morgan, only nine months old, gums at Steve’s fingers. That one kills Tony the most. If, God, if something happens, Morgan will have no idea. 

Sunday is the last day. Sarah knows, somehow, exactly what they need, so she takes the kids to the zoo. He stays in bed for most of the day with Tony, making love and sleeping and breathing in every ounce of his husband. They both cry. Neither of them sleep that night. 

“Do you have everything?” Tony asks tearfully. He’s wearing one of Steve’s Army hoodies and a loose pair of gym shorts. 

“I think so,” He says zipping up his bag. “It’s only six months. We’ve gone longer.” He reminds gently against Tony’s lips. “I love you so fucking much.” 

They arrive at the airport, kids in tow, Steve in uniform. Tony can’t stop clutching his hand. 

“Okay.” Steve says as they reach security. “This is it.” He’s holding Morgan, asleep on his shoulder, so he kisses her head and breathes in her scent. He’s crying already. 

“I love you so much, Morgan.” He passes her off to Sarah so he can get to Peter’s level. 

“Hey, pal.” Steve says to the four year old. “You’re gonna be good for Daddy, right?” Peter nods, tears running down his tiny cheeks. “I love you so much, Pete. You’re so brave, my brave little man.” He hugs their first born tightly for a long moment and Tony starts to cry as he sees Steve’s tears fall more steadily. 

“I love you, Papa.” Peter whimpers. “Be safe.” Steve wipes Peter’s tears and places a kiss to his forehead before standing. Tony takes Morgan from Sarah for a moment so Steve can hug and say goodbye to his mom. Sarah wipes his tears, ignoring her own and whispers something to him that makes a wet sob escape Steve’s mouth. She takes the baby back and squeezes Tony’s hand. 

“Come with me,” Steve says to Tony, grabbing his hand. They walk a little further down before they’re in a little alcove. 

“No matter what happens, Tony, you need to know how much I love you.” He takes a deep breath, looking into Tony’s eyes. “You are the single best decision in a life that offers many others. I can never, would never and will never leave you.” Tony throws himself at Steve and they crash into each other with a passionate embrace. 

“You are it for me, Steve Rogers.” He whispers. They kiss for a few moments, holding each other like their lives depend on it. 

“Go.” Tony whispers, pushing Steve away a bit. “If you don’t go now, you never will.” Tony says regretfully. Steve reaches out to caress Tony’s face once more and leans in for one last kiss. 

“I love you forever.” 

And then he’s gone.

And then Tony is alone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I skip march and may, it was intentional

**FEBRUARY**

Tony cries for a week. Not all the time, of course. He gets the kids up, gets them to school and day care. He goes to work. He attends meetings and lunches, laughs and tells jokes. He picks the kids up, he makes dinner. He puts them to bed. And then he cries. He cries in the shower, he cries himself to sleep. He cries when Peter crawls into his bed at three a.m., crying himself. 

It’s two weeks after Steve leaves when he calls home for the first time. 

Tony is bone tired. Morgan has been sick for the better half of a week and Peter is just irritable and cranky. He gets it, really. He’s had his Dad with him for his entire life and he’s suddenly gone. Tony would be mad too (if his father wasn’t such an asshole, that is). 

He had just shut his eyes when the phone rings. 

“Hello?” Tony grumbles into the reciever, eyes still shut. Morgan is asleep on his chest, Peter curled into his side. 

“Hi, sweetheart.” He sits up immediately. He shifts Morgan so her cheek is smushed into his shoulder, gently getting off the bed.

“Hi,” Tony breathes when he answers. Steve sounds exhausted, like he’s been up and at it for hours. But he’s safe, so that’s all Tony cares about. 

“Hi,” Tony can hear the smile in his voice. It’s awkward, for a moment, like neither of them know what to say. “Gosh, Tony. It’s so good to hear your voice.” Tony chuckles around the lump forming in his throat. 

“Yeah, baby. Yours too.” He swallows thickly, putting Morgan down in her crib. “Are you settled in okay?” 

“As much as I can be. Remember Peggy, from our wedding? She’s back, too. We’re leading different platoons, but we’re on the same base.” 

“Of course I remember Peggy. She’s the only woman that has ever been able to put Bucky in his place.” He laughs. “Tell her hi for me. It’s nice you have someone to lean on. And speaking of Bucky, I ran into him last weekend at the grocery store. He sends his love, and he told me to tell you you better come home or he’s coming after you.” Steve laughs, such a nice sound that Tony can’t help but to smile dopily. 

“I’m sure he would. Are the babies asleep?” He asks, sounding a little hurt. Tony just nods. 

“Yeah. Morgan’s been down for most of the night, she caught a little bug but I think we’re finally kicking it. Peter fell asleep early, too. He’s been cranky. I don’t blame him, things have been...rough. For all of us.” The silence on the other end of the line is deafening. “Steve?” 

“Sorry.” He’s crying. Fuck. “I know it’s hard. I’d be there if I could.” Tony clenches his jaw. He won’t go there, not right now. 

“Hey, we promised we wouldn’t do this. I won’t complain about the kids, and you won’t complain about not being here to help me. Mopey time is over, Captain. Tell me about your day.” Steve does, diving into a story about his platoon. He’s hit it off with a couple soldiers, which is so nice for Tony to hear. He’s happy Steve isn’t being a hermit and just giving orders. 

“So, listen. I’ve got two days a week slotted for video calls for about an hour at a time. My days are Wednesday and Sunday. I can pick the hours, I just want to know what you think. I want to give my ma a day, too.” 

“Of course. God, I would never take this away from her. Have you spoken to her? Does she have a preference?” Tony asks.

“No, not yet.” Steve says. “I needed to hear your voice, first.” Tony feels warm, heart beating a bit faster. He loves this man. 

“Well, since Peter’s in school and my SI schedule is always changing, why don’t we take Sunday? Give you more time to talk to the kiddos.” Tony suggests. 

“Yeah. That’s great. Sunday it is.” He can hear the smile again. “Look, baby. I have to go, this was just a call to set that up and let you know I’m okay. I still need to call my mom. But we’ll talk Sunday, I promise.” 

“Okay. Of course. I love you, Steve.” Tony’s heart is in his throat again. He won’t cry. He won’t. 

“I love you too, Tony. Very much.” They’re silent, listening to each other breathe like they would when they were dating in college and didn’t want to hang up. “I’ll call you whenever I get the chance, of course. Sunday’s are definite, though.” 

“Okay.” Tony whispers. “I love you, honey. Be safe, please.” 

“Of course. Kiss the kids for me. I love you.” And he hangs up. 

Tony stares at the phone in his hand for a good five minutes before he gets up and goes back to bed. 

2:00 on Sunday afternoon is their time. That first Sunday, Tony gets Morgan down for a nap earlier than he’d like to usually, but he wants her to be awake and alert during the call. He explained to Peter that Papa only has an hour, so he needs to pick the most important things to talk about. He can’t really say anything else, he just wants Peter to get the most out of this. 

“Is it time for Papa to be on the TV yet?” Peter asks as Tony gets his laptop hooked up to the HDMI cable. 

“Almost, kiddo. We have about… ten more minutes.” He checks his watch. “So if you need to go potty, now is the time to do it. I am going to go get your sister up and ready. If Papa calls before I’m back, just talk to him, okay? You know how to answer it.” Peter nods, sitting on the couch dutifully. Tony shakes his head, smiling at his son. 

He gets Morgan up, changed and sucking on a bottle just as Peter announces Steve is on. 

“Papa!” He yells, boucning up and down in excitement. 

“Hey, buddy!” Steve replies, but Tony can’t say anything. He just stares at his husband. Steve is tanned and clean shaven (a shame, really, given how much Tony loves when he has a full beard) and his blue eyes are sparkling. “I miss you, baby. How are you?” 

“Daddy says I have to tell you only the ‘portant stuff. I miss you a lot, Papa.” Tony’s heart clenches, so he buries his nose in Morgan’s hair to hide his tears as he steps into frame. 

“You can tell me whatever you want, I promise it’s all important.” Peter beams at the TV screen. “Well, hi, little miss!” Morgan’s head whips around in search of the noise, so Tony lifts her up and points to the TV. “Hi, Morgan. I love you, honey. Papa misses you.” Morgan breaks out into a gummy smile, probably from seeing herself in the lower corner of the screen and hearing her name, but Tony wants to think it's because of Steve. 

“Hi, honey.” Tony finally says. “You look good.” Steve blushes, but grins impossibly wider. 

“Thanks. I miss you guys so much. I think about you all the time, every day.” 

“Every day?” Peter gasps. “Papa that’s a lot.” Tony snorts, shaking his head. 

For the remaining time, he just listens as Peter recalls his time spent away from Steve, talking about his friends and school and how cute Morgan is getting. Peter cries when the time comes to say goodbye, but promises to draw Steve a picture to send him. 

**APRIL**

Morgan’s first birthday comes and goes (a tearful phone call with Steve that night consoles him). She says her first word that next week while on the phone with Steve. (It was _Papa_ , and Tony can’t really be mad about it.)

Stark Industries has a big launch that Tony needs to travel to Los Angeles for, and after an extraordinary meltdown from Peter about staying with Grandma Sarah, Tony goes on his first business trip since Steve left. 

"It’s only five days, buddy.” Tony explains to his tearful son, clutching him like he’s never going to see him again. “I’ll be back before dinnertime on Saturday.” 

“Don’t leave. Papa left, you can’t leave me too.” Tony and Sarah share the same heartbroken look as Peter sobbed into his chest. 

“I know, baby. I know it’s hard. I promise I will call you every day. When I get home we can do whatever you want. Okay? Does that sound good?” Peter sniffles and grabs Tony’s lapels tighter. “I love you, spidey.” He was able to pull himself away from Peter and when the trio went inside, Tony just stared at his husband’s childhood home. 

Tony cried on his way to the airport. 

**JUNE**

At the end of June, Tony gets a call at 11:00 on a Monday night. The ringing of the phone startles him awake and his blood runs cold when he sees the caller ID. 

“Bucky?” Tony breathes. “What’s going on?” 

“I need you to stay calm.” Bucky begins. “Steve is in a hospital in DC.” Tony falls to his knees.  
“What? No. No, no. They--they would have called me. Why didn’t they call me? I’m his emergency contact, I--” 

“I’ll explain, I promise. Pack a bag and come outside, please.” And Bucky hangs up. Tony stares at his lockscreen, a photo of him, Peter and Steve on the day Morgan was born and just cries. 

He shoves a couple t-shirts, a pair of sweatpants and some underwear in a bag for Steve before gathering his own things. He checks on Morgan and Peter, kissing both of them on the forehead before he opens the door. Natasha gets out of the car and runs to him, embracing him in a tight hug. Tony buries his face in her neck, crying hard. 

“He’ll be okay, he always is.” She soothes him. “Go.” She kisses his forehead. 

When Tony gets in the car, he doesn’t say anything to Bucky. It’s a good hour before Bucky turns to him, shifting in his seat. 

“Do you want to know what happened?” Bucky finally asks. Tony nods. “His convoy was attacked. He was taken hostage. I got a call from Peggy Carter, she would have called you but didn’t have your number. The officials normally would call, yes, but since this is kind of a family affair, they gave it to Peggy and I.” Tony’s tears start again, but no sound comes out. “So. Peggy found him. He’s pretty beaten up; has a collapsed lung, some internal bleeding and a couple broken bones but it isn’t anything the doctor’s can’t fix. He’s in surgery now, at least that’s what they told me a couple hours ago.” Again, all Tony is able to do is nod. 

He wishes it was him. He wishes he was the one to be captured. He wishes he was the one with a collasped lung and internal bleeding. Steve, his perfect man, suffers enough from chronic illnesses. He doesn’t need this on top of it all. Tony has never done a single heroic thing in his entire life, but he would both kill and die for Steven Grant Rogers. 

“But he’s alive?” Tony croaks looking over at the other man. Bucky nods, and Tony watches his Adam's apple bob as he swallows. Tony throws his head back in relief and cries quietly. 

He must fall asleep at some point, because when he wakes it’s to Bucky shaking his shoulder saying they’re there. Tony gets out of the car immediately and goes inside without waiting for Bucky. 

“Hi, my husband is here, somewhere. Steven Rogers.” The woman behind the desk smiles sympatheitcally at him before typing in his name. 

“Sure. Mr. Rogers is on the surgical recovery floor. I just need to see your ID, please.” Tony fishes out his wallet and produces his ID. She hands him a bright yellow sticker and gives him directions. 

When Tony arrives at Steve's room, he stops himself at the door. He’s not sure what to expect. Collapsed lung. Internal bleeding. Broken bones. The images swirling through his mind aren’t pretty. With a steadying breath, he opens the door. 

Sure enough, Steve is asleep. He’s got an oxygen tube settled in his nose and is wrapped in gauze seemingly from head to toe. He has two soft casts, one on his right arm and another on his left leg. 

His face is the worst, externally, at least. The left side of his face is covered in cuts and bruises, while his right eye is swollen shut. 

“Oh, sweetheart.” Tony murmurs. Though he looks horrible, Tony is just relieved to see him in person. He takes a seat in the chair next to Steve’s bed and holds his good hand. “I’m right here, baby. I’m not going anywhere.” He presses his lips to Steve’s knuckles. 

“Maybe if you kiss me for real, I’ll talk to you.” Tony’s head whips up to look at Steve. He’s grinning, despite his swollen face, and Tony doesn’t hesitate to--gently--launch himself at him. Their lips meet and their tears mix and Tony has never been more scared and relieved at the same time. 

“You bastard.” Tony says between kisses. “I thought you were dead.” Steve pulls his good hand up to cradle his head and connects their lips for longer this time. 

“Sorry to disappoint. I’m still kicking.” Tony pulls back, electing to cradle his face instead. Tony caresses his cheek, staring into his eyes. 

“Does this mean you’re coming home?” Tony asks softly. Steve’s eyes glisten and he nods. 

“Yes. A little worse for wear, but yes.” Tony clasps their hands together and doesn’t let go. 

In the morning, Bucky will come in and heckle Steve about being able to only use one arm. They’ll call Sarah and the kids and Nat, apologizing and letting them know that everything is going to be okay. They’ll meet with Steve’s doctors, learn that he is lucky to be alive, that if the shrapnel that caused the internal bleeding was any more to the right than it was, his heart would have been blown to pieces. They have a long road to recovery, both physically and mentally. But when he gets back in the car later that week to go home, nothing else matters. 

He’ll never be deployed again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is everyone okay? thanks for reading, this was fun

**Author's Note:**

> I’m so sorry


End file.
